OWNZORED PART 4

All right this isn’t funny any more.

That package from Sprint PCS was a second phone that somebody was trying to add to my wireless account. This means it went beyond somebody getting my credit card number. This means somebody has been intercepting my mail, and probably has my SSN (or I don’t think they would have authorized the second phone).

This is full-on identity theft, and I have no fucking idea what to do next.

I am well and truly owned. There’s somebody out there who has my number, and is more than willing to use it to hurt me. And there’s nothing I can do about it other than just take it. I wish I had the knowledge and abitity to prevent this stuff from happening to me, but I am not 1337 enough to keep up with the bastards out there.

OWNZORED PART 3

Damn, when it rains it pours.

I got a hold of Apple, and it turns out somebody tried to order an iBook with my Mastercard. I jokingly asked for the shipping address so I could go beat somebody up, and the response was that for that exact reason they couldn’t give it to me. That’s understandable. If I were serious about taking vigilante action, it would probably be some poor sap at some convenient location who took the fall. At least the cops are likely to ask some questions before they start shooting.

Ownzored Part 2

Okay, I think I’m getting to the bottom of what happened to my Citibank Mastercard. I found these images on my Mac desktop under the filenames “so_long.jpg” and “sucker.jpg,” respectively:

Ownzored

It looks like somebody tried to fund a vacation on my Citibank Mastercard. There were a bunch of huge cash withdrawals in addition to a reservation at a hotel, all of which are purchases I think I would remember.

Not to mention a mysterious call from Apple about a purchase made on the same card but shipped to another address (and this isn’t the card I used to buy the G4 tower). Also, today I got a UPS note for an attempted delivery of something from Sprint PCS that cost $330 but that I have no recollection of ordering. I told UPS to return to sender because whatever it is I don’t want it and I don’t want to get shafted on the return shipping either. I hope it’s not a huge battle to reverse the charge.

I feel absolutely 0wn3d. A whole bunch of things all suddenly happened at once. I don’t think I’ve been particularly careless with my credit card numbers, but it would only take one slip. This is the first time I was hit, so I hope this was just the day my unlucky number was drawn, and not a sign that things are getting worse.

Luckily, Citibank was on top of it, and noticed the pattern before any of the purchases were authorized (or at least billed). With the state of things as they are, I’m glad the credit card companies are willing to take the hit for this sort of thing, because I would be kissing a significant chunk of my savings goodbye otherwise.

No use getting pissed off. I hope whoever did this is crushed by a meteor, though. A nice big one coated in magma, riddled with razor sharp spikes and blaring out the Muzak version of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” because that’s how badly I want them to suffer through their final moments. But other than that I’m totally cool about this.

IMAGE OF THE DAY: Wall

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Okay, here is “Random Chick” #2. I was mostly playing around with tinting and other goofy Photoshop tricks this time.

The locale is kinda sorta the Twin Peaks tourist trap, which is a quick jaunt from my house on Panorama Dr. in San Francisco. That’s supposed to be Sutro tower looming in the background, much as it always does around here. The perspective and placement is all wrong, but she’s probably looking straight at Market Street, which cuts through the center of downtown with its blinding array of streeet lights.

I wandered up to Twin Peaks tonight and spent about an hour vegging at the view of San Francisco and the surrounding area. It sometimes still blows my mind that I actually live in “the city” after all these years. It’s a weird paradoxical feeling, since you can only feel so special for living in a big city, being surrounded as you are by millions of other people who all live there too. But it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, and I’m gonna enjoy it while I can.

In the Flesh?

Oops… I should have read that flyer a bit more carefully.

It turns out that the “Flash Gordon” Director’s Cut playing at the Aquarius in Palo Alto this weekend was actually the “Flesh Gordon” Director’s Cut. This begs the question of why there was so much hooplah about it being the “X-rated” director’s cut, since the original cut was, too. I think the hype was all in my mind, because I was thinking of the wrong film. Honestly, I was never quite sure if “Flesh Gordon” was even a real film and not just a running gag that seeped into the pop culture consciousness.

I called Kathleen to inform her of my mistake and she just laughed. My friends are used to this kind of thing coming from me.

Never to be hampered by the shackles of good taste, my party decided to go anyway. After all, Flesh Gordon is a classic of pornographic cinema. How can you pass up such a golden opportunity?

Now that I’ve seen it, I think I see why Flesh Gordon is still playing the circuit. It’s a riot! The film is totally a product of the 1970′s and has a lot in common with the works of Robert Crumb and Cheech and Chong. It has that playful, anything-goes attitude about sex, politics and everything else. There are tons of clever sight gags and innuendo, and the production values are surprisingly good both for the time and for the genre. It doesn’t really surpass the cheesy sci-fi flicks that it spoofs, but it doesn’t look like a cheap rip-off either. For some it would be a painfully BAD movie to watch, but for me it was just bad enough to keep me watching in dumbstruck awe.

I guess I should skip the part where I gripe about how women were portrayed in this film, considering the fact that it’s PORN! I just hope all involved had a good time and made it through the 70′s okay.

Better get on that Aquarius mailing list so I can have digital confirmation on the film titles!

Golabutron Product Description

In case anybody was wondering what Golabutron was all about, I should point you to this
Product Listing at The Prior-Art-O-Matic.

Golabutron
Golabutron is a false moustache that keeps your carpets clean! It recites haiku and chirps and whistles.

And for the more discerning customer, there’s always the upscale model:

Golabutron 3000
Golabutron 3000 is a trouser press that can be used on the move and boosts self-confidence.

Okay, I’m a sucker for these dorky text randomizer toys.

IMAGE OF THE DAY: Hulk Mope!

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BONUS: Original sketch! (9k)

I’ve always liked the dumb Hulk the most. I think a lot of us can relate to that feeling that the whole world is out to get us. Of course, I never had Thunderbolt Ross commanding a battalion of tanks to interupt my solitude. Not yet, anyway.

I scribbled this on a sheet of paper (gasp!) and traced a scan with the Wacom to get the clean lines… the most indirect one yet! I like this techniques because I can watch TV and draw at the same time. I got a half hour or so into Terry Gilliam’s Jabberwocky earlier, and now that I’m done with my silly image of the day, I’m going to finish it off!

Side Note: I like how when I squint at this drawing it looks kind of like a disembodied brain. What does this mean, I wonder?

IMAGE OF THE DAY: The World’s Happiest Henchman


Some days, you just have to appreciate the little things in life and forget all of the troubles of being the henchman of an evil warlord bent on crushing the universe between the gloved fingers of his star-spanning gauntlet of merciless dominion.

IMAGE OF THE DAY: Bastich VS. The Mess

This is the kind of thing that seems funny at 1am, but probably won’t seem funny after I’ve had some sleep. I spent the majority of this weekend trying to clean my room and reading James Kochalka comics. Plus a bunch of other stuff like meeting up with Kathleen to catch a Midnight Madness showing of Harold and Maude, watching the Critereon DVD of The Seven Samurai twice (the second time was for the awesome commentary), and picking up Capcom vs. SNK for the GameCube and getting beaten down by my roommate. The mess has been reduced, but it still looms. Overall, a good weekend.