Golabutron 3000
The Bastich
Index

Bass Cannons

Originally published on Wednesday, April 24, 1996 in CSU Chico's The Orion student newspaper. View Archive Page.

Transcript

TITLE The Bastich By Hart

PANEL 1 (BASTICH-MAN crouches atop a rooftop at night.) CAPTION: Bastich War Journal: Entry BA960424. The City is quiet tonight. Maybe I can get home in time to catch 90210.

PANEL 2 (BASTICH-MAN is knocked off his feet by a loud sound.) SFX: BOOM

PANEL 3 (BASTICH-MAN rubs his head in a daze.) CAPTION: Looks like Donna will have to wait. Where did that explosion come from? My keen senses tell me...

PANEL 4 (BASS MASTER appears in front of BASTICH-MAN. He is a stocky man emitting this visible sound waves from two enormous loudspeakers strapped to his shoulders. He has a crew cut, sunglasses and a turntable buckled to his chest.) BASS MASTER: Over here, Bastich-Man..! BASTICH-MAN: BASS Master! BASS MASTER: That's right..! Now feel the wrath of My Bass Cannons cranked up to 13!

PANEL 5 (BASTICH-MAN struggles through the sound waves with his finger toward the turntable on BASS MASTER'S chest.) BASTICH-MAN: Twice your approximate Mental age... BASS MASTER: Never mind that! The world shall share my musical tastes, whether they like it or not..! BASTICH-MAN: Not...if...I...can..help...it..!

PANEL 6 (BASTICH-MAN runs off as BASS MASTER shakes his fist in silhouette with soft musical notes emitting from his speakers.) BASS MASTER: Nooooo!! You switched the tuner to Soft Rock! There's no Bass to Blast! This is not the last you'll hear of Bass Master! CAPTION: I'm on my way, Valarie!

CREDITS (c) 1996 Joshua Adam Hart