Culture Envy

Please forgive this amorphous rant...

I'm torn. I like being me, but I hate having no real culture to call my own. Geek culture is the closest thing I have, but it's not like I couldn't be a Geek and have some other interesting background to cling to.

American culture is weird. The melting pot has made it into a deadened shapeless mass. It's like in printing, where if you mix too many colors, it just comes out as flat puke-gray. That's how I feel. I'm a whole lot of nothing.

I look at people who were raised Catholic or Jewish, or are from 1st- and 2nd-generation immigrant families -- or whatever -- I hear lots of complaining, but it helps to define them, and gives them a place to run and hide when the existential weight of it all gets too much.

Sometimes I really wish I could have that feeling rather than feeling like such a blank slate all the time.

I remember one of the last things one of my ex-girlfriends said to me. She said "Don't worry, you'll find yourself a little white trash girl and you'll live out a happy little white trash life!"

Jeez, why couldn't she have just said I was lousy in bed and that she never really loved me like any halfway decent ex-girlfriend would do!? No need to leave behind the kiss of death like that!

So, anyway...

My only hope, being basically devoid of my own culture, is to leach it off of my friends and maybe someday marry myself into some.